Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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