I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
