I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I deserve this hangover.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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