bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
