I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's shark week go big or go home
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
