I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
