corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
tell me about the fingering
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