I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
