he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
