Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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