So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
