We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
