Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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