You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
