i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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