I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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