did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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