I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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