Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We got so high we made milksteak
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
