why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
