The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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