I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
