That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you traded sex for a burrito?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
