im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
tell me about the eggs
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
