TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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