i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
this just has baby written all over it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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