I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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