I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
