she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
