oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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