I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i would one night stand the shit outta him
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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