My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
