YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
