it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
