I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
