I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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