I just gift wrapped bread.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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