Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
