Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
