Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
