WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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