Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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