dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
