If i come over, it means nothing
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
