I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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