I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
