I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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