Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
