he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
