god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
